Andrushka

In Nebraska, one quickly learns certain laws of nature are just ignored by our dear state. For instance, the rule that says wind only comes from one direction at a time. It doesn't matter which direction I'm going on 56th, to work, from work, when I turn east or west--the wind always blows from whichever direction I'm facing.

That's on a normal day. Yesterday's high temperature was in the sixties; today was in the low twenties. As we all know, wind is generated by a temperature differential between the ground and the air. Warm ground, cold air. Today there were times I was pedaling with all my might just to keep from rolling backwards.

I knew it would be cold, so I wore my Tiffany-made hat that wraps around my neck and is the warmest thing ever. I also wore my new wool Royal Mail sweater vest under my big winter coat. The legs were burning, so thin dress pants weren't a problem. The loose chink in my warmth armor were my hands. Because Fortuna is a crotchety old hag, I haven't been able to find my gloves since it started getting cold.

I will be buying new gloves tomorrow.

This morning I rode to work at the same time other people were arriving, a rare event indeed. A few people recognized me under all my winter gear and no doubt lost all respect for my decision making abilities.

At lunch, I sat at the faculty/staff table, Kyle sat next to me and we made small talk about bicycles. Dr. Russell overheard and said he'd felt guilty today since he'd forsaken his bicycle for a warm ride in his wife's car. "When I got to campus I felt even more guilty because I saw someone riding past the (Everett) Dick Building ... without gloves on!" Dr. Russell said. "That's dedication."

"Uh, that was probably me. I couldn't find my gloves."

It just goes to prove that one person's dedication is another's stupidity.

Tomorrow I need to be at President's Council at 9:00 a.m., so I have to show up to work at the high-profile time again. And since I'm buying gloves tomorrow and not tonight, I'll be on parade with freezing, chapped hands.

Overheard in the hall of my apartment building:
Woman: Wait, I've got to go back for my purse
Man: Oh come on, why do women always got to have a purse?
Woman: Because you never pay the damn bill.

Labels: biking, Scott's an idiot, Union, weather

Posted by Scott at 11/29/2006 07:26:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

This morning I caught myself rejoicing in the suffering of a Fox News anchor. Shame on me. I'd been flipping through channels while eating a breakfast of stuffing and wretched mashed potatoes and heard a Russian name. Naturally I stopped to watch, not realizing until too late that I'd landed on Fox News.

The anchor (who will remain nameless since, well, I just can't be asked to care) was interviewing Mark Brzezinski about the deaths of Alexandr Litvinenko and Anna Politkovskaya. Many Slavic names were being tossed about and regardless of how many times he said them or heard Brzezinski pronounce them correctly, the anchor could just not get the names out without adding extra sounds, pausing awkwardly in the middle or forgetting whole sections of the name. He was obviously getting a bit flustered by the nation-wide display linguistic incompetence, but was trying to hide his frustration.

It was a joy to behold, especially because he was being a control freak about the interview and yet this one thing remained out of his control.

Next time a top story of the day includes "difficult" foreign names or just unavoidable "big" words, Fox will definitely be my news source of choice. Why do I delight so in the miserableness and misery of others?

Regarding the content of the news story, I think finding Polonium 120 in Litvinenko's system clears up the mystery. It wasn't Putin or his cronies, it was obviously the Polish nationalist, Marie Curie.

Also, before starting the process of making mashed potatoes, check and make sure you actually own a potato masher.

Serhiy quote du jour: (Pointing at red lines left on his arm and chest from sleeping on bunched-up sheets) "I want a tattoo like this."

Labels: cooking, news, Serhiy quote

Posted by Scott at 11/24/2006 11:21:00 AM | Permalink | Comments

Yesterday I bought new pants. They're a solid grey and I've wanted some like this for a while now. They are also larger than I've previously worn--I guess I'm getting both old and fat. The funny thing is I have plenty of pants in the previous size that fit fine--I think the current fashions have just changed the way the pants are being cut in ways that are unflattering to my particular anatomy. Plus, I'm probably getting old and fat. However, I am happy with these pants. I'm sure you're wondering at this point why you should care.

Well, one of the tags on these pants advertises their astounding technology. It says, "Repels stains, wrinkles, and most everything else." I think when advertising pants to men, they might want to mention specifically and in large letters, "... except women."

Also, I got a couple compliments on my sweater which I bought to match the pants. It's OK, but I really think people were just confused. They knew something looked good and assumed it was the sweater, but it was really the pants. So I'll say it myself, "those are some phat pants, Scott."

And now for the piece of this blog everyone will enjoy, the Serhiy quote of the day: "What happens at vespers stays at vespers."

Labels: histrionic, Serhiy quote

Posted by Scott at 11/17/2006 08:21:00 PM | Permalink | Comments